Friday, April 11, 2008

Unscheduled Giggling

Crying is a form of stress release for most women. When we get tense or upset, a good cry can help relieve us enormously and clear our minds to then deal with what ever made us tense or upset in the first place. Me? I'm a laugher. When I get tense, I start giggling like mad. If the situation becomes really unbearable, I can wind up laughing so hard I can't even breathe. Tears stream down my face, my lips draw back from my teeth in a hideous grin, and I can't stop no matter what if I let it get hold of me. Once in junior high, my best friend fell off a trampoline and smacked her chin on the metal frame. She darn near broke her jaw, couldn't even close her mouth for a few minutes, and I was laughing like a hyena, only occasionally being able to gasp, "I'm sorry! HAHAHAHA! It's not funny! HAHAHAHA!" Another time, our Chihuahua almost choked to death on a piece of hot dog (Did you know that a dogs gums actually turn blue when they choke? They really do. It's icky.) After my husband performed a doggie Heimlich maneuver on her (and the other dog gobbled up the hot dog which flew out of her throat) I was in hysterics for a full 30 minutes. My sides hurt the next day from laughing so hard.

Yesterday, my son had his follow up appointment with the doctor for an ingrown toenail. He's on antibiotics and I went in fully expecting the doctor to say, "It's clearing up nicely. Go home." But instead he said, "We need to pack some cotton underneath the nail to lift it up where the nail can grow out without irritating the skin around it." Again, my expectations were completely off, because I thought they would take some cotton, and just push it up under the end of the nail a little, no biggie. What actually happened was that the doctor took a tongue depressor, snapped it apart to make a wicked looking skewer, and used it to pry my son's toenail apart from the nail bed without even numbing it. I looked at my teen as this procedure was being performed upon him and he had his fists clenched so hard his hands were shaking. And......whammo! I'm so upset by the pain being inflicted on my first born child, I. start. to. giggle.

Talk about winning the "Worst Mother of the Year" Award! Who laughs when their child is being tortured?!?! Luckily, I managed to squelch it. But it took all I could do not to start laughing, and I was making these funny little noises in the back of my throat, trying to hold it back. The doctor looked at me and said, "Are you going to throw up?" "No," I managed to squeeze out between my clenched teeth. I'm sure he thought I was really on the verge of spewing something all over the floor. But I'd rather he thought I was weak stomached than a closet sadist.

We made it through the appointment (Ben will probably never cut his nails too short again). The doctor asked Ben if the toe had been causing him any pain. Ben replied, "Only when someone rams cotton up under it." I hope this works, because if it doesn't they may have to actually remove the whole nail.

They'd better give me laughing gas if they have to do that. It's the only excuse I'll have.

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