The voicemail from Emily went something like this, "Hi mom...I love you and you are the best mother in the world! I just want to remind you that I've never made less than an 'A' in my life and I'm a very dedicated student. I'm also good at sports and really good at the guitar. I'm thrifty and I save most of my babysitting money, just like you've taught me."
At that point, my phone had decided it didn't want to be my secretary any longer and it cut her off. I assumed that she was probably trying to butter me up into buying candy or something while I was at the store, and I laughed to myself. But since I had no signal, I couldn't call to confirm what it was she wanted, and I promptly forgot about it in the excitement of discovering some unexpected coupons on a shelf.
Then I got home and found this taped to the front door:
That's not a good sign.
Once inside I was bombarded with a houseful of smoke and the tale of how Emily was cooking bacon and she turned away just long enough to butter her toast. And the bacon burned up completely in just those few seconds.