Ben left to go back to college today. It was great to have him here for three weeks and to have his fiance, Noelle, here for a week. It's getting harder to let them go because they never come back for very long. I realized this week that I will probably never spend more than a week at a time with him for the rest of my life. He's moving on and growing up. Planning a life away from us. That's how it should be. I certainly wouldn't want him living in my basement forever, unable to make it on his own.
But today, I said bye, hugged him, watched him get in his car and drive away. Kerry and I walked back towards the house and just as we got to the garage I looked at him and started crying. First time ever that it's really hit me.
I've raised my children to be independent. To grow up, become responsible adults, marry happily and raise their own families. This has been the goal and we are on our way to achieving it. I don't want to be the mom who couldn't cut the apron strings. I don't want to be the mother-in-law from hell who can't stay out of her kids lives and marriages.
But, oh, it's hard to let them go.
I've gone from being someone Ben spent 24 hours a day hugging on to someone he will see once in a while. There was a time when it was just me and Ben. He was the only child then and Kerry was at school or work most of the day. Ben and I would wander out in the yard picking flowers and hunting for blackberries. I was his only playmate and his best friend. It was me he cried for when he was hurt. It was me he wanted when he was sick.
Now he forgets that I am here sometimes. His world and the center of his focus are elsewhere. He has a vision for his future and I am not a part of it, not really. I'm sure I'm on the edges somewhere. He believes we will be here for him always but also knows that some day we will die. But he doesn't know what it will be like to actually go through that. I didn't.
It's true that just about the time you get good at parenting, you're no longer needed for the job.
But today, I said bye, hugged him, watched him get in his car and drive away. Kerry and I walked back towards the house and just as we got to the garage I looked at him and started crying. First time ever that it's really hit me.
I've raised my children to be independent. To grow up, become responsible adults, marry happily and raise their own families. This has been the goal and we are on our way to achieving it. I don't want to be the mom who couldn't cut the apron strings. I don't want to be the mother-in-law from hell who can't stay out of her kids lives and marriages.
But, oh, it's hard to let them go.
I've gone from being someone Ben spent 24 hours a day hugging on to someone he will see once in a while. There was a time when it was just me and Ben. He was the only child then and Kerry was at school or work most of the day. Ben and I would wander out in the yard picking flowers and hunting for blackberries. I was his only playmate and his best friend. It was me he cried for when he was hurt. It was me he wanted when he was sick.
Now he forgets that I am here sometimes. His world and the center of his focus are elsewhere. He has a vision for his future and I am not a part of it, not really. I'm sure I'm on the edges somewhere. He believes we will be here for him always but also knows that some day we will die. But he doesn't know what it will be like to actually go through that. I didn't.
It's true that just about the time you get good at parenting, you're no longer needed for the job.
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