Demon Pigeon Attacks Terrified Girl, Ruins Dinner

Hello, readers of my mother's blog! Emily here. I've been having some really amazing experiences this summer, so of course the first thing I actually write about is this:

I love Teddy's Bigger Burgers. It's one of my favorite restaurants. They have these amazing teriyaki burgers that I absolutely adore. I've been planning to get one, and today I finally had my chance. My friend Gaby and I had just finished teaching our last 5-Day Club for the day and went to hang out at a local strip mall to get some smoothies. And while we were there... Lo and behold..... a Teddy's! I went inside while Gabby went to get a smoothie, and she came back right around the time my teri-burger was finished.

It was probably the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I took it outside to eat at one of the tables. Gabby was reading and I was just enjoying my burger when out of nowhere a pigeon just dive-bombed me. It whacked me in the head with one of its wings and sat on my burger. I shrieked (in a very dignified way), and the little demon flew away, flipping my burger over onto the table. The pigeon landed on the ground less than two feet away and gave me a look. I did the only reasonable thing I think of - I threw my tray at it, which finally banished it back to whence it came.

I looked back at my beloved teri-burger. The top half of the bun had been cruelly ripped away from the rest of the burger, and I had no choice but to throw it away. Gabby tried to convince me to finish it anyway, since there were only three bites left, but the memory of the stupid little pigeon from the twisting nether regions kept me from following her advice.

So, long story short: I didn't get to finish my dinner, and I hate pigeons.

Comments

Mammogram

I'm having my annual mammogram today. I always hear about how painful they are, but honestly, I've never thought they are that bad. Not the most comfortable, but not painful either. Every time I have a mammogram, I'm reminded of this story. It won the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition and I still get a kick out of it every time I read it. So I'm posting it here today for your reading pleasure: Erma Bombeck Writing Competition 1st place in Humor Category Winner Leigh Anne Jasheway of Eugene, Oregon "The First Time's Always the Worst" The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches on fire. That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me exactly as she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister - right hand on the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as humanly possible from the rest of your body). Then she clamped the machine down so tight, I think my breast actually turned inside o...

Ben's Feet

Ben went camping with his youth group this weekend. He said it was the best weekend he's had since we've been in Hawaii, and possibly in his entire life. The one negative part was that he stepped on some coral out in the water and cut his feet up pretty good. He swears it was all dead coral - you shouldn't touch live coral, much less walk on it because it damages the coral. No one ever mentions that it also damages your feet. They just tell you not to damage the coral. Also, coral is a living organism . If you step on live coral and a tiny piece breaks off in the cut, it will continue to grow. Did you see the movie Alien ? If some creature incubates in Ben's feet, then breaks out and eats us all one night, I'm going to be quite miffed. (Make sure you read the inscription on his tee shirt in this picture. It's quite appropriate.)

Luau, Luau

This week we attended our first luau! We went to the luau at the Hale Koa hotel. The grounds were just incredible. There were men playing soft Hawaiian music, the plants and flowers were glorious. There were people in native costumes making headbands out of palm fronds, chopping up fresh coconut for us to taste, handing out flowers for us to put behind our ears and handing out seashell leis to each guest. It was very relaxed and peaceful. This was a Samoan man who kept us entertained during the cocktail hour. He was very funny! Check out those tattoos. He said the tattoos were part of a rite of passage that he had to go through. He said it took fourteen days to complete the tattoo and, yes, it hurt. And yes, everything was tattooed. He demonstrated how to climb a coconut tree using only a bandanna around his feet. They picked people out of the audience and gave them a quick hula lesson. Katie was thrilled to be one of the people chosen and of course it irritated Ben because he thi...

Mama On The Move

Search This Blog